Well, I'm here! My mother and I pulled into Colorado Springs a couple of days ago : ) It's gorgeous! We have been waking up to the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains every morning. And the air is super fresh! I have so much enjoyed this time with my mom- she's a really awesome woman and I've gotten to chance to have some special one on one time with her during our road trip. We drove through Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico on our drive here. We had the privilege of eating at the Big Texan when in Amarillo. They give you a 72 oz. steak, yes 72 oz., for free as long as you can eat the entire thing. It was the craziest restaurant. If you are ever in Amarillo I highly recommend it. It was super cheesy, super loud, and super Texan. And, not to mention, the best steak I have ever had. We also went to the Palo Duro Canyon on our way out of Amarillo. That was GORGEOUS. It's one of the largest canyons in the U.S., second only to the Grand Canyon. It's was absoulutely beautiful. My mom and I had never seen anything that Southwestern. You could see the different layers of rock and sediment that described the different time periods, and all of it was dug out by this itty-bitty creek! It amazes me how the Lord can do stuff like that. When there, all you could really do was stand in amazement, feeling small and in awe of the Lord. He makes such beautiful things! Colorado has been a testament to that as well! We visited the Garden of the Gods yesterday, (called that because it looks like it would make a great beer garden, making it a place fit for the gods according to those who discovered it back in the 1800s!). There were these huge red rock formations that just sprout out of the ground. They are a deep and beautiful red; our pictures don't do them justice. We also went to a little town called Manitou Springs, and tasted from the ground mineral water- gross, as well as went to Manitou cliff dwellings (an ancient indian cliff dwelling), and the Air Force Academy. The Academy was absolutely wonderful. We visited to Chapel, built in the 1950s. It looks like an airplane kind of- very aviation-like. It was such a wonderful, and peaceful, place.
As you could probably guess, I've been getting a little nervous being here. It's sinking in that I'm staying here for 3 1/2 months, and that it's 1500 miles away and don't know a single soul. I got very nervous the first night we got here. Questions like "What if I'm a loner? What if no one likes me? What if I'm awkward and super shy? What if my roommates hate me? What if I hate it here? What if I want to go home? What am I doing here?" have been racing through my mind. I asked the Lord for a rainbow to show His confirmation that I'm to be here, and that it will be good and not another season of continuos trials and sanctification. Those seasons carry great value in the spiritual walk, and draw us much closer in relationship with the Lord in ways that are unimaginable and irreplaceable. Seasons of trials and sanctification solidify our faith and our love for the Lord, revealing to us not only His Truth but also His character and heart for us. They are wonderful, but painful. If that is what the Lord has for this season I will welcome it and do my best to push through, His strength sustaining me. But it would be nice to have a season of growth and learning about Him without the huge trials : ) Of course anyone would want that! Before I knew I was coming out here, the Lord began to place extravagant desires on my heart, and encouraged me to dream, dream, dream! I learned that when my heart is in the Lord's, I can trust my desires and dreams as being from Him, because He is within. My dreams and desires are actually important! One of the greatest of those dreams came up back in August. I wanted to go out West! My heart yearned to be in the West! I also wanted this semester/season to be one with just me and the Lord. That it would be a time to rest in Him, to be quiet in Him. I want to learn more of who He is, and to be refreshed in the parts of my love for Him that have become complacent and not passionate. I need a sweet season with Him of growth and compassion, in which there is deep and intimate communication with Him, away from distractions. I also desire a season in which He shapes me into the woman He created me to become, away from the things that pull me in different directions while trying to define who I am, or tell me who I am. It's up to Him to give to me my identity, as well as His plans for what my life will be after Focus on the Family. That's another area in which I have been praying- that He would give me understanding of His plan for my life while here, and show me the next step He would have me take. I have gotten so nervous that these prayers I have been praying, and want I want this season to be, is not really what it's going to be. I feel like that's the desire of the Lord's heart too though, to have this season together. He has confirmed it on many occasions through random people's comments leading up to this trip, but I still have my doubts. So anyway, I asked Him for a rainbow. The rainbow as we all know was a symbol of God's promise to Noah back in the day that there would never be another flood like the one Noah experienced. In the past, the Lord has used rainbows to confirm and remind me in a physical and visible way of His promises to me. In the last two years of college, grades were an issue for me. I had never struggled with them- always being an A/B student. But I was struggling to pass! I had a teacher that was absolutely impossible. The first round of finals after this whole "school-is-hard" thing was really cool. The Lord had promised me I would get credit to graduate in my classes, that I would get the C's I need. I studied like crazy, trusting the Lord to be faithful with what I had learned. I went in and took those finals, feeling like I dominated one but totally crashed another. The one I felt I had crashed was in a class I had a F in going into the final. When I was on my way home after taking it, I was talking to Him about how I felt like I failed and there was no way I passed it, or the class. Just as I hit a red light, I looked up to see this gorgeous rainbow in front of me. At that moment, the Lord told me that, just like Noah, the rainbow was a symbol of His promise to me and His faithfulness. I was totally wow-ed! I said, ok, I trust you, and then waited. When grades came out, I saw my grade from the class I thought I had failed. Ironically, it was the highest grade I had gotten! My grade had gone from an F to a B! I don't even think that's possible number wise- but it is with the Lord! The same thing happened this last semester. I had a really hard teacher that I had struggle with in the past for two classes, the two I needed to graduate. In the beginning of the semester the Lord promised me I would be graduating. I again had my doubts. After the first day of classes and looking at the syllabus those doubts grew, a ton! I was driving yet again, and talking to the Lord about it. I was thinking about the rainbow, and how cool it would be to get another one for these classes. Just then, I looked to the right and there were TWO rainbows stacked on top of each other, one for each class : ) Amazing huh? I was bold, and asked the Lord for B's this time, and then trusted His promise for graduation and kept driving. In the moments of doubt I remembered the rainbows and God's promises. Yet again, when finals rolled around, I studied my brains out and still felt unprepared. In one class I was in danger of getting a C-, meaning I wouldn't graduate. I took the final for that class, and felt that I had for sure failed. I had two finals that day, so didn't have as much time to perfect the details on the material- all of her tests were on specific details, yuck. I left feeling so discouraged from her final. But when grades came out, I had B's! There was no doubt that I had graduated! The Lord was faithful- as always. I think all of those experiences were to teach me to trust Him with things I can't control, or don't believe are possible. He truly holds me in His hand, and protects me. I have favor in all things I do because I am His daughter, and He supports me and is for me, not against me. How cool is that?! He's amazing- and so sweet, and detailed with our lives. But anyway, I asked Him for a rainbow on our way into Colorado Springs, to confirm that I'm to be here and that this in fact will be a good and enjoyable season. I forgot about it until we went to the AFA. We were walking up to the Chapel, and there it was, my rainbow : ) It was going over the Chapel. I stopped and told my mom, and were both so excited! It was so cool! So I know that the Lord has this season in His hand, and that His promises stand strong to let this season be good and a time away with Him, and resting with Him. It's His purpose for me to be here, even if I don't know exactly what this season will hold. He holds ME. And I can trust that. I read Psalm 16 the night before I saw the rainbow- I was getting soooo nervous, questioning what I was doing. This is not my comfort zone! My favorite part of the Psalm was verse 11. "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11. I can trust the Lord. His testimony is sure, and so is His love. I choose to walk through this season in His presence, where there will be fullness of joy no matter the circumstances. I think it will be good : )
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