God's Purposes

The Lord is at work all the time, but sometimes we choose not to see it, or admit that it's His way. The path becomes harder, more difficult. There are greater rocks to climb over, and we become fatigued. We long for the comfort of level ground, of the terrain we just traversed, simply because we know it. It's comfortable and not surprising. While there is excitement in discovering new things and beginning new seasons in our walk with Him, there is also great fear. The discomfort of growth is not enjoyable. Lately here in Colorado I have desired to go home to Georgia. I am a Southern girl, and always will be. The job hunt is discouraging, and there is nothing here for me, or at least in my perspective. But continually, the Lord makes is clear to me that I am to be here. He is not finished here. I have seen His work here- my heart is more determined to acknowledge and live out of His kingdom. I see the importance of His way before mine, His will above mine. Although, right now I'm not so sure I like His will. I don't understand it, and He has yet to really discuss it with me. But He sees my heart, He sees my hurts. He feels those just as much if not more deeply than I do. And I am called to trust Him. I read a devotional by Oswald Chambers this morning about God's purposes. I wanted to share it with you. 

"Oh, the bravery of God in trusting us! Do you say, “But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing good in me and I have no value”? That is exactly why He chose you. As long as you think that you are of value to Him He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve. But if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him “to Jerusalem” (Luke 18:31). And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.

We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian. It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience— all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see 1 Corinthians 1:26-31). God’s friendship is with people who know their poverty. He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all— we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. We do not know what God’s compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him. We must never allow anything to damage our relationship with God, but if something does damage it, we must take the time to make it right again. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack." Aug. 4, My Utmost for His Highest 

I don't know why God chooses to trust us. But He does. And it's for His purpose, and His kingdom. It is for His purposes that we are to live, trusting Him that He is good towards us. I am of little worth to Him, especially right now as there is nothing for me to do. But I love Him, and can't imagine making it through all that He has set before me without Him. His strength sustains me. His love holds me. I do not know His purpose, and there is a great chance that I will not enjoy or like the way this season turns out, but His heart hurts with mine, and I can trust Him. Because of His cross my debt is paid, and there is more than this earth. 

The Job Hunt

I'm living now in Colorado Springs, and looking for a "Big girl" job. I'm discovering though that networking and what not is incredibly difficult! I'll have to catch ya'll up on everything the Lord has been doing when I get today's work done. But for now, here is a thought. I've been struggling with a competitive spirit within the job hunt, both within myself and with friends in the same situation. Not surprisingly, the Lord has been teaching me a lot about His heart, and what it means to be His child through all of this. He has brought this scripture to my attention. In all relationships, (it started out in thinking about my dating relationship with my favorite pilot but ended up being applicable to all relationships and life in general), we are called to see others as more important than ourselves. Kelly Anne has always had this thing, or used to, on her phone that said "Be 3rd," referencing that we are to put God first, others second, and ourselves and personal interests 3rd. I  am seeing how hard that is in our broken world, and how much society seeks to teach us otherwise. It would be a true testament to Christ if we were, as a body of believers, to truly walk out the lifestyle of humility and selflessness God calls us to. 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Phil. 2:1-11

Who knew the job hunt would teach me so much about the heart of Christ? In searching for a job here in Colorado Springs, I am coming to see and discover the cut-throat attitude of our culture. It's all about "#1." If I am to find a job here, it's going to be at the expense of every other person looking for a job. We are taught to seek out our own interests before those of others, to step upon one another and essentially prevent the success of others in a spirit of competition in order to succeed- our success is based purely on our assistance in the failure of others. How can this be alright? How, as a Believer, does this lifestlye reflect the Heart of Christ? If we are called to be Salt and Light, where do we stand? Jesus said our lives would be different, that we would live against the cultural norms of society. So how does this play into our own success, our own advancement? It doesn't. It's that simple. We are called to live in a way that places the needs of others before our own. It does not glorify God that we pursue our selfish advancement at the expense of our brothers and sisters. We are a body, called to help one another, to encourage and build up each other. We are called to give, not withhold. And, furthermore, we are called to see others as more important than ourselves. How does this work? And if we truly live in this manner, what would be the outcome? In this position, we are called to fully lean upon the counsel and provision of our Lord. It is an opportunity for ultimate trust, for true faith in the Father. After all, this attitude of competition seeks to take care of our own interests, but this stems from a lack of faith in the Provider, in His sovereignty and ultimate plan of goodness for us. His plans towards us are good, and I believe He honors our efforts to live fully for Him. This means allowing our hearts to be changed by His word, by living His standards and ways as opposed to those we have been taught by our broken world. Will He not honor our hearts when they are aligned with His? I do believe He will. So Lord I ask that you would help me to pursue this job hunt with the uttermost selflessness, to see others as more important than myself, and to rejoice in you even when the world seems to be working for my destruction, trusting that You are who You say You are, and that You will not abandon me. 

More to come on life and it's craziness later! 

The end of a season and the beginning of another!

Well, I'm here! My mother and I pulled into Colorado Springs a couple of days ago : ) It's gorgeous! We have been waking up to the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains every morning. And the air is super fresh! I have so much enjoyed this time with my mom- she's a really awesome woman and I've gotten to chance to have some special one on one time with her during our road trip. We drove through Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico on our drive here. We had the privilege of eating at the Big Texan when in Amarillo. They give you a 72 oz. steak, yes 72 oz., for free as long as you can eat the entire thing. It was the craziest restaurant. If you are ever in Amarillo I highly recommend it. It was super cheesy, super loud, and super Texan. And, not to mention, the best steak I have ever had. We also went to the Palo Duro Canyon on our way out of Amarillo. That was GORGEOUS. It's one of the largest canyons in the U.S., second only to the Grand Canyon. It's was absoulutely beautiful. My mom and I had never seen anything that Southwestern. You could see the different layers of rock and sediment that described the different time periods, and all of it was dug out by this itty-bitty creek! It amazes me how the Lord can do stuff like that. When there, all you could really do was stand in amazement, feeling small and in awe of the Lord. He makes such beautiful things! Colorado has been a testament to that as well! We visited the Garden of the Gods yesterday, (called that because it looks like it would make a great beer garden, making it a place fit for the gods according to those who discovered it back in the 1800s!). There were these huge red rock formations that just sprout out of the ground. They are a deep and beautiful red; our pictures don't do them justice. We also went to a little town called Manitou Springs, and tasted from the ground mineral water- gross, as well as went to Manitou cliff dwellings (an ancient indian cliff dwelling), and the Air Force Academy. The Academy was absolutely wonderful. We visited to Chapel, built in the 1950s. It looks like an airplane kind of- very aviation-like. It was such a wonderful, and peaceful, place. 
     As you could probably guess, I've been getting a little nervous being here. It's sinking in that I'm staying here for 3 1/2 months, and that it's 1500 miles away and don't know a single soul. I got very nervous the first night we got here. Questions like "What if I'm a loner? What if no one likes me? What if I'm awkward and super shy? What if my roommates hate me? What if I hate it here? What if I want to go home? What am I doing here?" have been racing through my mind. I asked the Lord for a rainbow to show His confirmation that I'm to be here, and that it will be good and not another season of continuos trials and sanctification. Those seasons carry great value in the spiritual walk, and draw us much closer in relationship with the Lord in ways that are unimaginable and irreplaceable. Seasons of trials and sanctification solidify our faith and our love for the Lord, revealing to us not only His Truth but also His character and heart for us. They are wonderful, but painful. If that is what the Lord has for this season I will welcome it and do my best to push through, His strength sustaining me. But it would be nice to have a season of growth and learning about Him without the huge trials : ) Of course anyone would want that! Before I knew I was coming out here, the Lord began to place extravagant desires on my heart, and encouraged me to dream, dream, dream! I learned that when my heart is in the Lord's, I can trust my desires and dreams as being from Him, because He is within. My dreams and desires are actually important! One of the greatest of those dreams came up back in August. I wanted to go out West! My heart yearned to be in the West! I also wanted this semester/season to be one with just me and the Lord. That it would be a time to rest in Him, to be quiet in Him. I want to learn more of who He is, and to be refreshed in the parts of my love for Him that have become complacent and not passionate. I need a sweet season with Him of growth and compassion, in which there is deep and intimate communication with Him, away from distractions. I also desire a season in which He shapes me into the woman He created me to become, away from the things that pull me in different directions while trying to define who I am, or tell me who I am. It's up to Him to give to me my identity, as well as His plans for what my life will be after Focus on the Family. That's another area in which I have been praying- that He would give me understanding of His plan for my life while here, and show me the next step He would have me take. I have gotten so nervous that these prayers I have been praying, and want I want this season to be, is not really what it's going to be. I feel like that's the desire of the Lord's heart too though, to have this season together. He has confirmed it on many occasions through random people's comments leading up to this trip, but I still have my doubts. So anyway, I asked Him for a rainbow. The rainbow as we all know was a symbol of God's promise to Noah back in the day that there would never be another flood like the one Noah experienced. In the past, the Lord has used rainbows to confirm and remind me in a physical and visible way of His promises to me. In the last two years of college, grades were an issue for me. I had never struggled with them- always being an A/B student. But I was struggling to pass! I had a teacher that was absolutely impossible. The first round of finals after this whole "school-is-hard" thing was really cool. The Lord had promised me I would get credit to graduate in my classes, that I would get the C's I need. I studied like crazy, trusting the Lord to be faithful with what I had learned. I went in and took those finals, feeling like I dominated one but totally crashed another. The one I felt I had crashed was in a class I had a F in going into the final. When I was on my way home after taking it, I was talking to Him about how I felt like I failed and there was no way I passed it, or the class. Just as I hit a red light, I looked up to see this gorgeous rainbow in front of me. At that moment, the Lord told me that, just like Noah, the rainbow was a symbol of His promise to me and His faithfulness. I was totally wow-ed! I said, ok, I trust you, and then waited. When grades came out, I saw my grade from the class I thought I had failed. Ironically, it was the highest grade I had gotten! My grade had gone from an F to a B! I don't even think that's possible number wise- but it is with the Lord! The same thing happened this last semester. I had a really hard teacher that I had struggle with in the past for two classes, the two I needed to graduate. In the beginning of the semester the Lord promised me I would be graduating. I again had my doubts. After the first day of classes and looking at the syllabus those doubts grew, a ton! I was driving yet again, and talking to the Lord about it. I was thinking about the rainbow, and how cool it would be to get another one for these classes. Just then, I looked to the right and there were TWO rainbows stacked on top of each other, one for each class : ) Amazing huh? I was bold, and asked the Lord for B's this time, and then trusted His promise for graduation and kept driving. In the moments of doubt I remembered the rainbows and God's promises. Yet again, when finals rolled around, I studied my brains out and still felt unprepared. In one class I was in danger of getting a C-, meaning I wouldn't graduate. I took the final for that class, and felt that I had for sure failed. I had two finals that day, so didn't have as much time to perfect the details on the material- all of her tests were on specific details, yuck. I left feeling so discouraged from her final. But when grades came out, I had B's! There was no doubt that I had graduated! The Lord was faithful- as always. I think all of those experiences were to teach me to trust Him with things I can't control, or don't believe are possible. He truly holds me in His hand, and protects me. I have favor in all things I do because I am His daughter, and He supports me and is for me, not against me. How cool is that?! He's amazing- and so sweet, and detailed with our lives. But anyway, I asked Him for a rainbow on our way into Colorado Springs, to confirm that I'm to be here and that this in fact will be a good and enjoyable season. I forgot about it until we went to the AFA. We were walking up to the Chapel, and there it was, my rainbow : ) It was going over the Chapel. I stopped and told my mom, and were both so excited! It was so cool! So I know that the Lord has this season in His hand, and that His promises stand strong to let this season be good and a time away with Him, and resting with Him. It's His purpose for me to be here, even if I don't know exactly what this season will hold. He holds ME.  And I can trust that. I read Psalm 16 the night before I saw the rainbow- I was getting soooo nervous, questioning what I was doing. This is not my comfort zone! My favorite part of the Psalm was verse 11. "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11. I can trust the Lord. His testimony is sure, and so is His love. I choose to walk through this season in His presence, where there will be fullness of joy no matter the circumstances. I think it will be good : )